Top 100

Am gasit site-ul asta pe blog la Cristi. Liked it asa ca iata 100 de lucruri pe care le zice Internetul despre mine :)) :))
1. Ioana Hurjui is able to rip a phone book in half with just one hand.
2. Aliens DO indeed exist. They just know better than to visit a planet that Ioana Hurjui is on.
3. A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Ioana Hurjui and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
4. Ioana Hurjui is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for her left and right legs.
5. Ioana Hurjui is the only one who can “try this at home.”
6. Ioana Hurjui is allergic to doorknobs. Thats why she can only kick through doors.
7. Archeologists unearthed an old english dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined “victim” as “one who has encountered Ioana Hurjui”
8. Ioana Hurjui was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when she managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.
9. Ioana Hurjui’s calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Ioana Hurjui.
10. Ioana Hurjui’s dog is trained to pick up its own poop because Ioana Hurjui will not take crap from anyone.
11. A study showed the leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart disease, 2. Ioana Hurjui, 3. Cancer
12. After taking a steroids test doctors informed Ioana Hurjui that she had tested positive. She laughed upon receiving this information, and said “of course my urine tested positive, what do you think they make steroids from?”
13. Every time someone uses the word “intense”, Ioana Hurjui always replies “you know what else is intense?” followed by a roundhouse kick to the face.
14. Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Ioana Hurjui to go around.
15. Along with her black belt, Ioana Hurjui often chooses to wear brown shoes. No one has DARED call her on it. Ever.
16. Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Ioana Hurjui.
17. Circles exist because Ioana Hurjui beat the crap out of some squares.
18. Everybody loves Raymond. Except Ioana Hurjui.
19. For Ioana Hurjui, every street is “one way”. Her way.
20. Guns don’t kill people. Ioana Hurjui kills People.
21. For undercover police work, Ioana Hurjui pins her badge underneath her shirt, directly into her chest.
22. Google won’t search for Ioana Hurjui because it knows you don’t find Ioana Hurjui, she finds you.
23. Give a man a fish, and you will feed him for a day. Give a man anything that is better than a fish, and Ioana Hurjui will beat his ass and take it.
24. If Ioana Hurjui wants some shade, she stares the sun down until it eclipses.
25. Crop circles are Ioana Hurjui’s way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
26. If at first you don’t succeed, you must not be Ioana Hurjui.
27. He who laughs last, laughs best. He who laughs at Ioana Hurjui … dies.
28. If you ask Ioana Hurjui what time it is, she always says, “Two seconds ’til.” After you ask, “Two seconds ’til what?” she roundhouse kicks you in the face.
29. If you spell Ioana Hurjui in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
30. A man once claimed Ioana Hurjui kicked his ass twice, but it was promptly dismissed as false – no one could survive it the first time.
31. A picture is worth a thousand words. A Ioana Hurjui is worth 1 billion words.
32. If, by some incredible space-time paradox, Ioana Hurjui would ever fight herself, she’d win. Period.
33. Godzilla is a Japanese rendition of Ioana Hurjui’s first visit to Tokyo.
34. Ioana Hurjui can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
35. As President Roosevelt said: “We have nothing to fear but fear itself. And Ioana Hurjui.”
36. If Ioana Hurjui wants your opinion, she’ll beat it into you.
37. If you Google search “Ioana Hurjui getting her ass kicked” you will generate zero results. It just doesn’t happen.
38. Hellen Keller’s favorite color is Ioana Hurjui.
39. Ioana Hurjui can kill two stones with one bird.
40. In the first Jurassic Park movie, the Tyrannosaurus Rex wasn’t chasing the jeep. Ioana Hurjui was chasing the Tyrannosaurus AND the jeep.
41. Industrial logging isn’t the cause of deforestation. Ioana Hurjui needs toothpicks.
42. It is believed dinosaurs are extinct due to a giant meteor. That’s true if you want to call Ioana Hurjui a giant meteor.
43. Ioana Hurjui and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing their underwear on the outside of their pants.
44. Ioana Hurjui became a vegetarian not because she loves animals, but because she hates plants.
45. Love does hurts. But not as much as Ioana Hurjui.
46. Lightning never strikes twice in one place because Ioana Hurjui is looking for it.
47. Ioana Hurjui can eat a rubix cube and crap it out solved.
48. Ioana Hurjui can tie her shoes with her feet.
49. James Cameron wanted Ioana Hurjui to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.
50. Most people fear the Reaper. Ioana Hurjui considers him “a promising Rookie”.
51. Most people know that Descarte said, “I think, therefore I am.” What most people don’t know is that that quote continues, “…afraid of Ioana Hurjui.”
52. Not everyone that Ioana Hurjui is mad at gets killed. Some get away. They are called astronauts.
53. Nagasaki never had a bomb dropped on it. Ioana Hurjui jumped out of a plane and punched the ground.
54. Nobody doesn’t like Sara Lee. Except Ioana Hurjui.
55. Newton’s Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Ioana Hurjui roundhouse kick.
56. Fifty years ago, Ioana Hurjui accidentally stubbed her toe. The USA still hasn’t fully repaired all of the ensuing damage.
57. Little known medical fact: Ioana Hurjui invented the Caesarean section when she roundhouse-kicked her way out of her monther’s womb.
58. Once a cobra bit Ioana Hurjui’s leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
59. On a high school math test, Ioana Hurjui put down “Violence” as every one of the answers. She got an A+ on the test because Ioana Hurjui solves all her problems with Violence.
60. Ozzy Osbourne bites the heads off of bats. Ioana Hurjui bites the heads off of Siberian Tigers.
61. People created the automobile to escape from Ioana Hurjui…Not to be outdone, Ioana Hurjui created the automobile accident.
62. Before sliced bread was invented, people used to say “Thats the greatest thing since Ioana Hurjui”.
63. Ioana Hurjui always asks for the same Christmas gift: A box of Smurfs and a sledgehammer.
64. Police label anyone attacking Ioana Hurjui as a Code 45-11…. a suicide.
65. No matter what your mother always said, Ioana Hurjui can tune a fish.
66. Ioana Hurjui does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Ioana Hurjui goes killing.
67. Ioana Hurjui can predict the shuffle on her iPod.
68. Only Ioana Hurjui can prevent forest fires.
69. Paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, but Ioana Hurjui beats all 3 at the same time.
70. On her birthday, Ioana Hurjui randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
71. Ioana Hurjui has beat the crap out of so many people over her brilliant life that most medical journals now classify her as a laxative.
72. Simply by pulling on both ends, Ioana Hurjui can stretch diamonds back into coal.
73. Some people like to eat frogs’ legs. Ioana Hurjui likes to eat lizard legs. Hence, snakes.
74. Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Ioana Hurjui pajamas.
75. Ioana Hurjui died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can’t get up the courage to tell .
76. Ioana Hurjui does not believe that there are 50 states, only 2, because where ever she goes becomes a State of Emergency and whenever she leaves, she leaves a State of Destruction
77. The Bible was originally titled “Ioana Hurjui and Friends”
78. The best part of waking up, is not Folgers in your cup, but knowing that Ioana Hurjui didn’t kill you in your sleep.
79. Ioana Hurjui doesn’t have a computer. Just a basement full of Asian kids that memorize numbers.
80. Ioana Hurjui is the only person in the world who can actually give 110%.
81. Sticks and stones may break your bones, but a Ioana Hurjui glare will liquefy your kidneys.
82. The chief export of Ioana Hurjui is Pain.
83. The crossing lights in Ioana Hurjui’s home town say “Die slowly” and “die quickly”. They each have a picture of Ioana Hurjui punching or kicking a pedestrian.
84. The First rule of Ioana Hurjui is: you do not talk about Ioana Hurjui.
85. The easiest way to determine Ioana Hurjui’s age is to cut her in half and count the rings. Unfortunately, nothing can cut through Ioana Hurjui.
86. The First Law of Thermodynamics states that energy can neither be created nor destroyed… unless it meets Ioana Hurjui.
87. The end result of the game “Clue” is always the same: Ioana Hurjui was the murderer, it was in the orphanage, and the weapon was a hamster.
88. The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Ioana Hurjui 3. Cancer.
89. The best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry. Even the worst-laid plans of Ioana Hurjui come off without a hitch.
90. The last man who made eye contact with Ioana Hurjui was Ray Charles.
91. The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Ioana Hurjui has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
92. The only time Ioana Hurjui was wrong was when she thought she had made a mistake.
93. The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs Ioana Hurjui. The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.
94. Ioana Hurjui can speak braille.
95. Ioana Hurjui counted to infinity – twice.
96. The phrase ‘dead ringer’ refers to someone who sits behind Ioana Hurjui in a movie theater and forgets to turn their cell phone off.
97. The eternal conundrum “what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object” was finally solved when Ioana Hurjui punched herself in the face.
98. Ioana Hurjui was fired from the Psychic Friends Network for always predicting pain.
99. Ioana Hurjui invented the hammer when she was tired of using her forehead to slam nails into wood.
100. The only sure things are Death and Taxes… and when Ioana Hurjui goes to work for the IRS, they’ll be the same thing.

3 Responses so far »

  1. 1

    raducea said,

    will ciordeles.. yes.

  2. 2

    […] 100 things about : Pentru ca`mi place sa ciordeles, am luat asta de la ioana ( ia`te de mine ca`ti fur din posturi ). Radu Ciobanu aka Chuck […]

  3. 3

    elfish said,

    da, deci astea au fost la fel si la mine. si guess what? si la fel si la chuck norris cand am dat click pe linkul din partea de jos. deci nu sunt despre noi, ioana, sunt despre chuck norris. but it’s fun, still…

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